I-CARE: Showing Care and Concern

Have you had a time when a friend or loved one appeared silently upset and you wished to help but unsure what to do or say? In this article, learn more on how you can support someone in distress sensitively without upsetting the person- and increasing the chance of him or her opening up.  

How to Help Someone in Emotional Distress: A Step-by-Step Guide

When you notice someone who may be in emotional distress, the most helpful thing you can do is to approach them to express your care and concern.

However,  you may have reservations in doing so due to fears of being rejected, of offending him or her, or simply because you are unsure of  the best way to do so. To shed some light on this topic, the following is a step-by-step-guide on how you can best approach someone with emotional distress and provide support. 

Step 1: Identify Signs and Symptoms of Emotional Distress

When someone is in distress, most of the time the person would not state it explicitly but it would be communicated in his or her body language or actions. This could be, for example a worried or withdrawn look,  the person being unusually quiet or having a closed body language. You might also have a gut feeling that something is not right. If you would like to learn more on how to identify such signs, do check out our other articles on

Step 2: Approach the Person in Private

Wait until the person is alone before approaching or pull the person aside to somewhere private to talk. For example, you can discreetly say, “Can I talk to you about something?”

Step 3: State Observations and Express Your Care and Concern

State the signs of distress that you have observed. For example: “I notice that you have been really quiet today and you look preoccupied.” 

Step 4: Invite the Person to Share More

Gently prod the person to share more about the issue. For example, you can ask “ Is something wrong?” or “Are you okay?”



If the Person Rebuffs Your Offer

While these steps would hopefully lead to the person in distress to open up to you,  there could be instances where the person is not ready to open up yet and prefers to keep the problem to him or herself by saying something such as, “No, everything is fine” while showing a contradicting body language.

This is an understandable response and  do not get discouraged if it happens. Opening up about a particular problem could be a big step for some people and they may need more time before feeling ready to do so. If this is the case: 

Simply let the person know that you remain available when he or she is ready to talk, and continue to check in occasionally.

Step 5: Remain Respectful and Do Not Enquire Further for Now.

Respect the person’s wish to not share further at this point and acknowledge their response, but 

let the person know that you are available whenever she wants to talk. “Alright, maybe I observed wrongly, but if there’s ever anything just know that I’m here for you.”

Step 6: Check in Regularly

Continue to monitor the person for any continued signs of distress and gently check in again with him or her the next time by reverting back to Step 1.  Be prepared that it may take two or more invitations before the person opens up.

If the Person Opens Up

Step 5: Choose an Appropriate Time and Place to Converse

Depending on the situation and place you are both in, decide whether the current place and time is the right for you to speak more. For example, if you are surrounded by other friends who can easily hear your conversation, it would be better to pull the person elsewhere to speak; “Can we go outside to talk a bit more?”; or to ask for another time to talk if it’s an awkward time for both of you to suddenly leave to speak; “Can we meet to talk somewhere else later?”

Step 6: Practice Active listening.

Listen in a way that makes the person feel understood and that you genuinely care to hear from him or her.

Step 7: Check in Regularly

Depending on the issue shared, there might be further help or solutions that you can help the person to explore;  or for some issues the only thing you can do is to provide a listening ear whenever the person needs to.

Either way, do follow up with the person regularly to check in on the progress of the problem and how he or she is feeling. This can be done via text,  in person or the most natural communication mode for both of you. 

 

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