Fatherhood in the modern era presents a unique set of challenges as dads adapt to new roles and responsibilities. From societal judgments to limited workplace support, modern fathers face hurdles that can affect their well-being. Overcoming these obstacles and maintaining their mental and emotional health is crucial for both fathers and their families.
In this blog post, we explore some of the common challenges faced by modern fathers and provide self-care tips to help them better cope with stress. By prioritising self-care and seeking support, fathers can navigate the demands of fatherhood while nurturing their own well-being. Join us as we delve into practical strategies for managing the expectations and complexities of modern fatherhood.
Fatherhood has posed multiple challenges for the modern fathers as they cope with new roles and responsibilities. Some of these challenges include:
1) Societal judgement
Fathers often encounter societal judgement and criticism when they deviate from traditional gender norms. Society has long held expectations and stereotypes about fathers as primary breadwinners and less involved in domestic and caregiving responsibilities. When fathers challenge these norms by actively participating in child-rearing and taking on the role of a homemaker, they may face scrutiny and negative judgments from others.
This societal pressure can create a significant hurdle for fathers who are already trying to balance multiple responsibilities. Overcoming these expectations and stereotypes requires courage and resilience as fathers navigate their way through uncharted territory, redefining what it means to be a modern, involved father.
Furthermore, there is a prevailing lack of support and understanding regarding male mental health within communities. Men, including fathers, may face stigmatisation and a reluctance to seek help for their mental and emotional well-being due to societal expectations of stoicism and self-reliance. This limited understanding and support contribute to a scarcity of resources tailored specifically to the challenges faced by fathers.
As a result, fathers may struggle silently, lacking the necessary tools and guidance to navigate the complex emotional landscape of fatherhood. It is crucial to foster a more inclusive and empathetic community that recognises and addresses the unique mental health needs of fathers, providing them with the support and resources necessary to thrive in their various roles and responsibilities.
2) Lack of support at the workplace
Workplace policies play a significant role in shaping the experiences of modern fathers. Unfortunately, many workplaces still have policies that restrict or discourage fathers from taking paternity or childcare leave. When faced with limited or no options for leave, fathers often find themselves torn between their work commitments and their desire to be present for their children.
Moreover, fathers may worry about the potential consequences of taking time off work for family responsibilities. They fear that their decision to prioritise their family and caregiving duties might be viewed negatively by their supervisors or colleagues. This concern stems from the belief that taking time away from work may lead to a perception of decreased commitment or dedication, potentially impacting their performance appraisal and career prospects. This added pressure forces fathers to navigate a delicate balancing act, striving to meet the expectations of their workplace while yearning to be actively engaged fathers.
3) Increased family / marital conflicts
The evolving dynamics of parenting and household responsibilities have led to conflicts between spouses regarding the division of duties. Traditionally, mothers have shouldered the majority of the responsibility for taking care of the family. However, in modern times, there is a growing expectation for fathers to actively participate and share the load equally. While this shift is undoubtedly positive, it can also give rise to challenges and tensions within the family unit.
When fathers are unable to meet these new expectations due to work commitments, societal pressures, or other factors, they may experience an increased sense of guilt and shame. They might feel like they are falling short of their responsibilities and the societal image of an involved and capable father. On the other hand, mothers might feel unappreciated and resentful if they perceive that the division of household and parental duties is not balanced. This can create a sense of imbalance and strain within the relationship, which, if left unaddressed, can escalate over time.
Unchecked stress and frustration arising from these conflicts can have detrimental effects on both the parents and the children. It can lead to strained relationships, emotional distance, and even estrangement. Additionally, a hostile home environment marked by ongoing conflicts and unresolved tensions can impact the well-being and emotional development of the children involved.
Self-care Tips for Modern Fathers
Here are some self-care tips for modern fathers to better cope with their stress:
1. Schedule “Me” Time
Having undisrupted personal time to do self-reflection or something pleasurable or relaxing (e.g. playing handphone games, engaging in sports, watching online videos) are essential for maintaining mental wellness. Taking at least 30 minutes per day to disconnect from your work or childcare responsibilities and focus on your own well-being will be helpful in preventing burnout and buildup of resentment over time.
2. Seek Support
Open communication between spouses is very important in avoiding misunderstandings and maintaining relationships. Be forthcoming in sharing your struggles with your wife and seek her support if you are unable to cope. Conversely, provide support to your wife as needed. Both parties can work on an agreement to distribute duties so that neither are overly-stretched. At times, seeking help from your extended family can be helpful too.
Besides family/spousal support, you may want to join a support group for fathers so that you do not feel so alone in your struggles. You may learn some parenting tips from other fathers as well.
3. Setting Clear Boundaries
It is common to receive advice from concerned family members over parenting styles or decisions. When faced with those who do not support your parenting decisions, it is necessary to be assertive in setting clear boundaries, and letting them know that you do not appreciate them trying to override your decisions or forcing their opinions on you.
4. Managing Expectations
It is normal to feel guilty for falling short and being a “bad father” from time to time. Avoid beating yourself up. Acknowledge and accept that you are not perfect but you are trying your best. It is important to manage your expectations in relation to the limitations that you have so that you avoid overly-stressing yourself.
